With great LOVE comes great SORROW

I'm from a large family. On my daddy's side of the family was Grandma (maw maw) and Grandpa (papa), my daddy and his sister. On my mother's
side of the family was Grandma and Grandpa, my mom, 3 sisters and a brother.

As my parents and their siblings got married the numbers doubled and then they started having us (the grandkids). After we grew up and got married and started having kids the numbers continued to grow.

As I got older and moved away from home I would talk about my family. People always said you are so lucky to be a part of a big family. And I always agreed.
The first Christmas after we had foster girls we went to my family's Christmas. (which is our tradition because Christmas Day is the day as many family members that can gathers together) One of the girls asked Kevin, " What are they laughing about." Kev said he told her, "I don't know they laugh the whole time we are here. And Danette always cries when we leave."

As a pastor's wife, after seeing and being apart of many families losing loved ones, when I was told you are so lucky to be a part of a big family. I would agree and I started to add, "but with great love comes great sorrow."

This week is one of the times my family and I are experiencing "the great sorrow." My daddy's only sister, Aunt Jeanette, passed away after a long hard battle with Alzheimers. Her four children, grandchildren, family and friends are mourning her greatly.

Matthew 5:4 NIV
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

I know from the passing of grandparents, aunts, uncles, Kevin's parents and others that  this sorrow never really leaves. It gets easier to deal with in time but great love (family love) never leaves us. We have memories that God allows us in His great mercy. Small things will remind us of our loved one. I remember after my papa died. Grandma said, "She was opening the back window and the way the sun was coming up was so beautiful she thought how much my papa would have loved it."

I was raised to believe in the Lord, Jesus Christ and I know that many of my family members also have accepted Jesus as their Savior. Knowing my aunt was a Christian gives me the comfort knowing I  will one day see her again.

In my mind and heart, I see family members and friends that have gone on before us in Heaven, greeting and hugging (we are a hugging family) her.  I see them standing around my Aunt Jeanette everyone trying to get a hug and squeezing through the crowd to be next. Everyone is so happy to see her and she is no longer in pain. Just like I cried when leaving my family to go home, we will cry for now but one day we will see each other again.

I pray God will give my cousins and their children the strength and comfort they need in this time of great sorrow.

Blessings on you,
Danette (Mama D)

John 5:24 NIV "Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged but has crossed over from death to life."

TRADITIONS 1: Ideas to help you get started!

Most people have traditions even if they've never really thought about it. Traditions are things you do every year. Like I said in my post, Our New Christmas Traditions,  traditions change in time. Think about some of the things your family does together during the year, New Years party, Super Bowl party, Valentine's, beach trips, cruises, family reunions, dressing up as a family on Halloween, family get togethers at birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

If you are working on starting some new traditions, let me tell you traditions don't have to cost a fortune. They are memory makers. Don't start a new tradition that is going to be so stressful it won't be fun and one that you will possible dread starting the next year. It's easy to get excited and go all out then the next year you are busy, have a kid or two, etc. Remember make memories. People remember moments in time, so make your traditions moments that will be happy memories.

 New Year's Day: Have ginger ale with maraschino cherries or even ice water in fancy glasses to toast in the New Year. I never understood why people that order alcoholic beverages get fancy glasses and water, soda and tea drinkers get plain glasses. I had a few stem glasses that I liked drinking my tea but they were a little small for dinner glasses. My husband and daughter gave me stem glasses large enough for tea and some of those little stem charms for Christmas. I still use them. People that come over like to pick out their charm. (The charms usually go on sale after the holidays, remember the holiday will come around again next year)

Valentine's Day: Let the kids help you make cupcakes. I didn't follow the instructions for filling the cupcake pan when my daughter was growing up. I put half as much batter in the paper cups. It not only made twice as many cupcakes, the cupcakes were smaller and flat. Less icing and let's face it many kids lick the icing off and leave the cupcake. Less waste. When I was growing up my mama would let us help with the icing. We would make cupcakes for church cover dish meals. We each got a little white icing and our choice of color. She put a few drops of coloring in the icing and then we mixed it up and put the icing on the cupcakes. I'm sure it was a lot  messier to get us to help but "I have a Memory that puts a smile on my face even today."

Easter: Easter eggs are always fun. Now there's stickers and crayons and all kinds of kits to make the process a memory.
One of my sisters had a client that handmade baskets. She bought Arielle one of the baskets for Easter. Arielle used that basket most every year. One year when she was in Little League Cheerleading we decide to give her a lunch box we found on sale. It had a thermos and several small pieces. We made a scavenger hunt out of it. She got one of the small pieces in her basket. That piece had a clue as to where to find another piece and so on. We had a great time. She got to use her favorite basket but she also got something she could use and not a lot of candy.

Vacation: When Arielle was growing up I would take craft items on vacation. I was so busy working, going to her and her dad's sports and church activities that I decided to take advantage of vacation to slow down and make a memory. We LOVE the beach. We try to go to the beach at least once a year. Picking up shells and sharks teeth (North and South Caroline beaches) doesn't cost anything and it most definitely makes fun memories. One year I took plastic visors and a glue gun. It sometimes rains at least one day during vacation. Sure enough the rain came and the visors came out. We sat on the floor and took out our shells. We made some pretty visors that we wore when the sun came back out. Visors I bought on sale at a craft store and I had a glue gun. You can find small glue guns at a craft store for not too much money. Small children will need help with the glue.

Have a Blessed Day,

Mama D

Joel 1:3 (NLT)

Tell your children about it in the years to come, and let your children tell their children. Pass the story down from generation to generation.

Our New CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS

(If you've not read both of my previous blogs Mama D's Childhood CHRISTMAS and Rev Kev's Childhood CHRISTMAS, I think it will help you understand where I am coming from in the blog if you were to take the time to read them.)

Kev and I were married in May of 1979. We soon moved to Golden Gate Seminary in Marin County, California. I got a job in San Francisco and Kev started classes. Each month had new "first". I was from a very close family and I hadn't realized how close we were until moving so very far away.

I missed family birthdays, weddings, funerals, my parent's 25th anniversary and my grandparents 50th anniversary. Then came CHRISTMAS.

That first Christmas we couldn't afford to fly home. We got our first fresh tree together. We got one way to big for our little apartment. We had to learn to measure ceiling heights and tree height. haha!!! Kev cut some of the bottom off and the top off. Our neighbors got the top and made it a table top tree. Others came and got some of the greens for their apartments. I made some ornaments and we bought a box from a swap shop paper in the area but the tree still looked sparse.

Kev bringing in the tree

Christmas 1979 

Friends came over for dinner and the conversation went to the tree. They were going to fly home for Christmas so they decided not to get a tree. We suggested they put their ornaments on our tree. So that's what we did. One side was ours and the other was theirs. We had them over for dinner several times to see their tree.

Kev was a big guy back then. We had to buy his clothes from a Big and Tall store. In December of 1979 one sweater was $70.00. This about floored me. $70.00 was pretty much the amount I had planned on spending for all our Christmas. Needless to say there were not a lot of gifts under the tree for Kev. On the other hand, there were more presents for me.

Christmas Eve came, we were so excited we both loved Christmas and we had so much fun all season watching people and walking around shopping areas looking at all decorations. We just soaked up the season. After dinner we talked about opening one present. We had both talked about our families opening one present on Christmas Eve so we decide it was that time.

Then it happened. He told me to pick any gift under the tree. I was like, NO that's not the way you do this. I became very tense and upset. Christmas Eve at the Humphrey family consisted of opening one gift that was just for you. This gift was usually a gag gift or something that was made just for you. Kev and I loved playing games with our new friends. So I gave Kev a "Mork and Mindy game." It was supposed to be funny. Christmas Eve at the Moen family consisted of opening one gift also, but it was any gift under the tree. So I open a beautiful piece of stoneware that I absolutely loved. Kev opened his game. But Kev wasn't laughing and I was horrified. We both cried.

The next day, Christmas Day,  Kev opened his few presents then watched me open mine. He didn't seem to mind watching me. But we still cried some more mostly missing parents and the familiar. It's interesting that growing up I don't think we focus so much on what our traditions are, they just are. Most of the thinking of traditions are in the planning and looking forward to them. It's not until you are on your own and realize not everyone does things the way you did, that you start to realize what your traditions were.

Kev's dad and Ann lived about 45 minutes away. We went to their home for Christmas dinner. If you read my post on Mama D's childhood Christmas you will remember. We served ourselves from the kitchen and then sat wherever there was a seat. We walked into their  home to the most beautiful table I had ever seen. The table was set with matching place settings and crystal glasses. WOW!!!! I loved it! I helped put the food on the table. I put my soda can at my place and the others drank wine in the beautiful crystal stemware. Let me say both ways are special and neither is wrong.

Somewhere there is a picture of the table with my soda can. I couldn't find that picture but I did find one from a dinner at their home. We laughed about my lone soda can and we loved on one another. Christmas (in my mind) was saved! Christmas should be more about focusing on Jesus' birth. As humans we sometimes get our focus off the main thing and get caught up in trying to make it perfect, that's when we can get upset.

Not the Christmas table but you can imagine this kicked up  

New year's again was a new "first". And Kev said, This is a new year and we need to make traditions for us. Our new family traditions included some of the old but we started some of our own also.

When we moved back to the east coast near the east coast family we incorporated those family gatherings into our lives. Just like we had with his dad and Ann. My family still got together for Christmas just like when I was growing up. (They didn't stop just because I moved away for several years.) So we decided we would spend Christmas Day with my family and Thanksgiving Day with his family. His mom said,"As long as we came to see her she didn't care what day." We lived closer to her so we saw her more during the year than we saw my family, so seeing her near Christmas wasn't a problem. And so a new tradition for us as a family began.

After we had Arielle and his sister and brother in law had their first daughter it was decided to have a Moen Christmas on Thanksgiving Day. We did that for several years then we added another day for Moen Christmas. This way we celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas separately. One year we would have Christmas at our home and Thanksgiving at theirs and the next year it was switched.

As Arielle came along we made her a part of the traditions. She helped decorate the house and the tree. When we put up the family tree, we have several trees, we told her where the ornaments came from and who gave them to us. I have a small black book that I list the ornaments, the year and who gave them to us in case we forget one or two, three, etc. Kev likes themed trees, as you will remember from Rev Kev's Childhood CHRISTMAS blog. I like them also but my favorite is the family tree, because that's what I grew up with.

Arielle also helped with the food for open house each year. She started out by putting the crackers on the platters, getting the napkins and plastic wear set up and anything her dad and I needed her to do. (age appropriate tasks) This was not always what she wanted to do but in the end she was proud of herself when people thanked her for the lovely table, etc.

One Christmas many years ago, we talked about staying home on the Christmas that fell on Sunday. Kev wanted Arielle to have Christmas the way he remembered. Staying home and playing with all the new toys and having special meals together at the table. Having friends come over to visit.  In my head I saw, cooking breakfast and washing dishes, fixing lunch and washing dishes, and fixing dinner and washing dishes. Kev said, "That's what you will be doing if we go to North Carolina." I said, "Yes, but there I will be talking and laughing with family and we will all be doing it together." Again, it's the way we grew up. I grew up traveling to family. He grew up family traveling to him. As hard as it was for me, I told him I was willing to give up going to see my family at Christmas every seventh year or so.

Kev told Arielle about the idea. He thought she was going to love not having to leave home on Christmas Eve after the Christmas Eve Service at church. Packing up the car and riding for three and half hours to maw maw and papa's and then pack up again on Christmas to travel another two hours to great grandma and grandpa's house. We would be gone for a several days. Instead, she cried and said, "We can't have Christmas without going to maw maw and papa's." And so that idea died in it's tracks.

Okay, I hope you see the point of my Christmas posts. I'm writing these after Christmas to give you a head start on planning this new year.  Things change and we need to change with them, (compromise). Love and treasure your past traditions. You don't have to give them up just learn to incorporate both your lives in the traditions. And when children come along share the traditions with them.

My Christmas Day with family is still one of my favorite days.  The family gathering is smaller because once my grandparents went to be with the Lord we started going to my parents. And my cousins and their families started going to their parents.

It is the only day of the year as many of my family (mama, daddy, three sisters, brother and their families) as possible merge on my sister and her husband. (We out grew mama and daddy's.) We come from Virginia, NC, SC, Georgia and now Florida. And yes, we still have to travel. But when I get my hugs from mama and daddy and the rest of my family it's all worth it!

BUT let's remember; the true meaning of Christmas is still and will always be CHRIST! He is the TRUE reason for the season! Not Santa, trees, toys, gifts large or small, driving or not driving,  Traditions change Christ does not.

Have a Blessed Day,
Mama D

Luke 2:13 NIRV
Suddenly a large group of angels from heaven also appeared. They were praising God. They said, "May glory be given to God in the highest heaven! And may peace be given to those he is pleased with on earth."

Rev Kev's Childhood CHRISTMAS

I would like to start this blog out with a little comparison of Rev Kev's childhood and my (Mama D) childhood. I'm going to use a couple of TV shows that if you've seen them will give an idea in your mind of our childhoods. Are you ready for it? Picture The Walton's and Leave it to Beaver. These shows are probably before your time but I think they still come on as reruns.

Kev was adopted. He was born in October but he was brought home on December 13, 1957. His mom told me they wrapped him in a blanket and laid him under the tree. She said he was the only thing under the tree because they didn't have anything left after getting him.

Kev grew up in California, in an area called Moraga. He grew up in a family with his mom, dad and a sister. His grandparents would come to his home for  Christmas. His mom would cook a great meal. They had a white tree with blue garland and blue Christmas balls. I think this is why he likes themed trees. All the gifts were wrapped even the ones from Santa. They were also allowed to open one gift on Christmas Eve.

One of the stories Kev has told me is about a Christmas Eve. The gifts were wrapped but there was one that was obviously larger than the others. Of course, that was the gift they chose to open. He excitedly opened the present only to find other presents, WRAPPED. ugh

Have a Blessed Day,
Mama D

Luke 2:10 NIRV
"But the angel said to them, Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy. It is for all the people."

Mama D's Childhood CHRISTMAS

I Love Christmas! Christmas is an amazing time of year. First and foremost it's the day we celebrate Christ's birthday.

I grew up in a Christian home. Christ was an ever present person in our family. Maybe not in a human form but in our hearts and heads. My parents talked and lived Christ every day not just at Christmas and Easter.

Christmas was always about Christ, family, love and getting together. Christmas Eve we would go to church for the Christmas Eve service, usually a Children / Youth play. This is when I was young (1960s and early 70s). Every Sunday before Sunday School, we gathered for opening exercises where we sang Happy Birthday to those that had birthdays during the week. We put money in a jar totaling our age. (It always confused me when adults would put in a dollar.) That money was used to purchase Christmas gifts for the kids on Christmas Eve. We also got a small brown paper bag with an apple, orange, tangerine, box of raisins, peppermint stick and some chocolate and nuts. I was reminded that daddy would help us crack the nuts and sneak a little for himself every once in a while.

Christmas morning started with one of us (5 kids) going into mama and daddy's room and telling them, "It's Christmas". According to what time it was, if it was 4:00 AM we were told to go back to bed for a little while. But if it was 6:00ish we would get up and get cleaned up and dressed for the day. (The excitement built until we could all get dressed.) Then we would stand along the wall at the top of the stars. At mama and daddy's call we would be allowed to go downstairs to the tree and the gifts.

The gifts Santa brought were never wrapped. They were in piles for each child.  We would eat something, but I can't really remember breakfast! I remember reading the story of Christmas from the bible. We would play with our toys until it was time to go to Grandma and Grandpa Humphrey's for dinner (lunch). This is one of the reasons for having us get dressed first. Another reason was so daddy could get a little more sleep. After all the presents were opened (gifts we made or bought for each other) we would pick up all the trash. We would pick out one present to take with us. For us girls that was usually a doll, (until we got older.)

Grandma Humphrey always had a spread, mama and our aunt helped. I remember grandma made two platers of chicken salad, one with celery and one without. We always had homemade pickles. (Mama and grandma canned the pickles during the summer.) And her homemade biscuits were awesome. Of course she always said they were burned or under cooked but I never remember one being left at the end of the day. Papa made the tea. We drank a lot of tea (sodas didn't enter the picture until we were nearly grown) and he had making it down pat. We knew the tea was getting low when the tea pot was in the bathroom sink sitting in cold water. There were several pies and cakes but the creme da la creme for me was grandma's Pineapple cake covered with 7 minute frosting.


We played with our cousins until time to eat. As we got older we helped set the table, counter, etc. We sat anywhere there was a space. I remember not being allowed to eat in the living room until we got to big for the rest of the house. The food was on the stove and kitchen counter, top of the washer to the back had pies and cakes. Someone stood at the front of the washer to eat. (I think that's when grandma gave in to letting us sit in the living room. The men went to the den. After we ate we would help clean up. Then we would play for a little while longer and have desert. After the eating was done we opened presents. And played with our cousins again until time to go to Grandma and Grandpa Richardson's for supper (dinner).

Grandpa Richardson

Grandma Richardson

At Grandma Richardson's we all (mamas mostly, until we were older) brought food and put it out on the counters and tables. Again because of the number of us we ate wherever there was a space. We never thought anything about it. Some of us may have sat on the floor or chairs grandpa borrowed from the church and sat around. We were just excited to have everyone at grandma's at one time. My mama was one of five kids and you add aunts, uncles and cousins you have one BIG HAPPY family!!! We drew names for Christmas presents. Passing out the presents was almost as much fun to do and watch as getting the presents. People went from room to room looking for the people on the presents. The men were usually in the den with the TV. The women would be in the kitchen putting the food away and taking turns holding the babies. But us kids would move around looking to see who may have our presents. We could hardly wait till we could be the ones to pass them out.

One of my favorite memories was the year I went to one of my aunts and thanked her for the gift. She said, "Danette can you remind me what we got you? I bought it after Christmas last year and went ahead and wrapped it."  That memory puts a smile on my face every time I think about it. Note to self, buy early, wrap later.

Have a Blessed Day,
Mama D

Luke 2:7 NIRV
"She gave birth to her first baby. It was a boy. She wrapped him in large strips of cloth. Then she placed him in a manger. There was no room for them in the inn."

Family Videos

As I drove to Arielle's on my way to a family reunion. I was remembering when Arielle was a baby. I would put a video camera at the food table at family Christmas dinners.  After the reunions were over I would take the videos home. Then on the nights when Kev would be at meetings I would show the videos to Arielle. I would point out each family member and tell her who everyone was. I wanted her to get to know my family, her family. I also had family pictures in her room and we would name each person before bed.

So when Arielle was probably two years old we went to a family reunion at my cousin Debbie's. I went in and started setting up the camera. The video camera was huge and we had to carry the VHS player with us to attach the camera.  Kev was bringing in the food. When he came by the table, he asked where Arielle was. I told him I thought she was with him.

We went on a search. As we walked through the crowd everyone said she came by and said hi, and went that way. When we found her, she was on the front porch with the older men and  sitting in my Uncle Grady's lap with her glow worm. I said, "I'm sorry", and when I went to get her, Uncle Grady, said, "She's fine, go visit."  That showed us that the videos worked. She was at home with a family she had only seen a couple of times.

I'm from North Carolina and when Arielle was a baby, I really wanted her to feel a part of my family even tho we lived so far away. I grew up in a close knit family. I lived near grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. My church had lots of family and we went to grandparents every Sunday for dinner (that's lunch).  The videos truly helped.

Now lets fast forward to today. You do not need a huge camera and VHS player, you can use your phone. FaceTime is a perfect example. Your kids can visually speak and have a relationship face to face even though they are hours apart. You can send videos to each other. We sent videos to my nephew on his daughters adoption day for her to watch. Everyone wanted to make sure she knew who they were and that she is loved. My daughters mother in law has started a Facebook group for her kids and grandkids. She reads stories and sings songs, so even if she isn't there physically for her grandchildren she can still read them to sleep.

Have a Blessed Day,
Mama D

"Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

From BRAT to BOSS

 "From BRAT to BOSS" is the name of my book. I had the title for probably 10 years but every time I thought about writing it I would come up with lots of reasons not to. My favorite was, I'm too busy!

A little background before I finish telling how God worked in my life to finally bring the book to fruitition. I've been teaching children in Sunday School since 1994ish, Arielle was in the 3rd grade. The teacher was a very sweet older lady with a soft voice. She would tell the bible story and then the kids walked up and down the halls, go sit in the church library, etc. you probably get the idea. Rev Kev (my husband) asked me to pray about helping her. After I prayed about it, I decided since Arielle was not the sit quietly in a chair for 30 minutes after a story was told kinda kid, that helping the teacher was the right thing to do. After 3 weeks of helping, the teacher asked me if I would teach and let her go back to her class. She said she'd been teaching children 40 some years. Oh my! I was a teacher. 

Arielle grew up to be a wonderful Minister of Students and I stayed with the 1st to the 5th grades.

Okay, now back to my story. I started my book after I lost my job in 2014. I was walking my dog, praying and crying. I was telling God, I just didn't understand. I worked hard, met my deadlines, and really enjoyed the people so I was totally floored when it happened. God told me, not verbally but in my heart and head, "So you've always said you were too busy to write the book. WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE NOW!!!!" Needless to say I went home from walking the dog and started writing.

I was also sending in resumes, painting the house and downsizing so when or if the Lord sold our house we would be ready to move. I got a part time job a year later. I went in early so I could work on the book at lunch before my shift. We were still working on the house. Then another year passed, I was able to get a full time job. It's an hour away but I like listening to the Christian radio station and sometimes I listen to books on CD. 

We were still trying to sell the big house and we had bought a smaller home that needed some renovations. I put the book on hold again. I needed to put time into learning my new job and getting the new to us home ready to move in. 

Last week I finished my book and I sent it to the publisher. It is a Bible Study book for Tweenagers (9 to 12 year olds). It is about the life of Joseph. I started the story with Joseph's parents because I think the readers need to know why I think Joseph was a BRAT. He was the only son of the love of his life, Rachel, for several years before his younger brother was born. He had 10 other brothers. 

One of my goals is for the young people that get the book to learn that they, like Joseph, can stay positive even while going through hard times during their life.

It will be probably 3 months before it's ready to be put on Amazon and the other book lists. It has to go through several stages with the publisher. 

I am very excited!! Please pray for the young people that study the story of Joseph.

Have a Blessed Day,
Mama D

3 John 1:4 NIV
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.