Kev and I were married in May of 1979. We soon moved to Golden Gate Seminary in Marin County, California. I got a job in San Francisco and Kev started classes. Each month had new "first". I was from a very close family and I hadn't realized how close we were until moving so very far away.
I missed family birthdays, weddings, funerals, my parent's 25th anniversary and my grandparents 50th anniversary. Then came CHRISTMAS.
That first Christmas we couldn't afford to fly home. We got our first fresh tree together. We got one way to big for our little apartment. We had to learn to measure ceiling heights and tree height. haha!!! Kev cut some of the bottom off and the top off. Our neighbors got the top and made it a table top tree. Others came and got some of the greens for their apartments. I made some ornaments and we bought a box from a swap shop paper in the area but the tree still looked sparse.
 |
| Kev bringing in the tree |
 |
| Christmas 1979 |
Kev was a big guy back then. We had to buy his clothes from a Big and Tall store. In December of 1979 one sweater was $70.00. This about floored me. $70.00 was pretty much the amount I had planned on spending for all our Christmas. Needless to say there were not a lot of gifts under the tree for Kev. On the other hand, there were more presents for me.
Christmas Eve came, we were so excited we both loved Christmas and we had so much fun all season watching people and walking around shopping areas looking at all decorations. We just soaked up the season. After dinner we talked about opening one present. We had both talked about our families opening one present on Christmas Eve so we decide it was that time.
Then it happened. He told me to pick any gift under the tree. I was like, NO that's not the way you do this. I became very tense and upset. Christmas Eve at the Humphrey family consisted of opening one gift that was just for you. This gift was usually a gag gift or something that was made just for you. Kev and I loved playing games with our new friends. So I gave Kev a "Mork and Mindy game." It was supposed to be funny. Christmas Eve at the Moen family consisted of opening one gift also, but it was any gift under the tree. So I open a beautiful piece of stoneware that I absolutely loved. Kev opened his game. But Kev wasn't laughing and I was horrified. We both cried.
The next day, Christmas Day, Kev opened his few presents then watched me open mine. He didn't seem to mind watching me. But we still cried some more mostly missing parents and the familiar. It's interesting that growing up I don't think we focus so much on what our traditions are, they just are. Most of the thinking of traditions are in the planning and looking forward to them. It's not until you are on your own and realize not everyone does things the way you did, that you start to realize what your traditions were.
Kev's dad and Ann lived about 45 minutes away. We went to their home for Christmas dinner. If you read my post on Mama D's childhood Christmas you will remember. We served ourselves from the kitchen and then sat wherever there was a seat. We walked into their home to the most beautiful table I had ever seen. The table was set with matching place settings and crystal glasses. WOW!!!! I loved it! I helped put the food on the table. I put my soda can at my place and the others drank wine in the beautiful crystal stemware. Let me say both ways are special and neither is wrong.
Somewhere there is a picture of the table with my soda can. I couldn't find that picture but I did find one from a dinner at their home. We laughed about my lone soda can and we loved on one another. Christmas (in my mind) was saved! Christmas should be more about focusing on Jesus' birth. As humans we sometimes get our focus off the main thing and get caught up in trying to make it perfect, that's when we can get upset.
 |
| Not the Christmas table but you can imagine this kicked up |
New year's again was a new "first". And Kev said, This is a new year and we need to make traditions for us. Our new family traditions included some of the old but we started some of our own also.
When we moved back to the east coast near the east coast family we incorporated those family gatherings into our lives. Just like we had with his dad and Ann. My family still got together for Christmas just like when I was growing up. (They didn't stop just because I moved away for several years.) So we decided we would spend Christmas Day with my family and Thanksgiving Day with his family. His mom said,"As long as we came to see her she didn't care what day." We lived closer to her so we saw her more during the year than we saw my family, so seeing her near Christmas wasn't a problem. And so a new tradition for us as a family began.
After we had Arielle and his sister and brother in law had their first daughter it was decided to have a Moen Christmas on Thanksgiving Day. We did that for several years then we added another day for Moen Christmas. This way we celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas separately. One year we would have Christmas at our home and Thanksgiving at theirs and the next year it was switched.
As Arielle came along we made her a part of the traditions. She helped decorate the house and the tree. When we put up the family tree, we have several trees, we told her where the ornaments came from and who gave them to us. I have a small black book that I list the ornaments, the year and who gave them to us in case we forget one or two, three, etc. Kev likes themed trees, as you will remember from Rev Kev's Childhood CHRISTMAS blog. I like them also but my favorite is the family tree, because that's what I grew up with.
Arielle also helped with the food for open house each year. She started out by putting the crackers on the platters, getting the napkins and plastic wear set up and anything her dad and I needed her to do. (age appropriate tasks) This was not always what she wanted to do but in the end she was proud of herself when people thanked her for the lovely table, etc.
One Christmas many years ago, we talked about staying home on the Christmas that fell on Sunday. Kev wanted Arielle to have Christmas the way he remembered. Staying home and playing with all the new toys and having special meals together at the table. Having friends come over to visit. In my head I saw, cooking breakfast and washing dishes, fixing lunch and washing dishes, and fixing dinner and washing dishes. Kev said, "That's what you will be doing if we go to North Carolina." I said, "Yes, but there I will be talking and laughing with family and we will all be doing it together." Again, it's the way we grew up. I grew up traveling to family. He grew up family traveling to him. As hard as it was for me, I told him I was willing to give up going to see my family at Christmas every seventh year or so.
Kev told Arielle about the idea. He thought she was going to love not having to leave home on Christmas Eve after the Christmas Eve Service at church. Packing up the car and riding for three and half hours to maw maw and papa's and then pack up again on Christmas to travel another two hours to great grandma and grandpa's house. We would be gone for a several days. Instead, she cried and said, "We can't have Christmas without going to maw maw and papa's." And so that idea died in it's tracks.
Okay, I hope you see the point of my Christmas posts. I'm writing these after Christmas to give you a head start on planning this new year. Things change and we need to change with them, (compromise). Love and treasure your past traditions. You don't have to give them up just learn to incorporate both your lives in the traditions. And when children come along share the traditions with them.
My Christmas Day with family is still one of my favorite days. The family gathering is smaller because once my grandparents went to be with the Lord we started going to my parents. And my cousins and their families started going to their parents.
It is the only day of the year as many of my family (mama, daddy, three sisters, brother and their families) as possible merge on my sister and her husband. (We out grew mama and daddy's.) We come from Virginia, NC, SC, Georgia and now Florida. And yes, we still have to travel. But when I get my hugs from mama and daddy and the rest of my family it's all worth it!
BUT let's remember; the true meaning of Christmas is still and will always be CHRIST! He is the TRUE reason for the season! Not Santa, trees, toys, gifts large or small, driving or not driving, Traditions change Christ does not.
Have a Blessed Day,
Mama D
Luke 2:13 NIRV
Suddenly a large group of angels from heaven also appeared. They were praising God. They said, "May glory be given to God in the highest heaven! And may peace be given to those he is pleased with on earth."
No comments:
Post a Comment