Giving an Allowance

When I was growing up we were expected to help around the house AND at the family business. It was considered family responsibility. Once I remember someone in the family asking about an allowance because someone at school mentioned they got an allowance. Mom said, "Did you eat today? Did you have clean clothes to wear? There's your allowance." End of conversation! Wasn't said, or meant to be ugly. That was reality...

The first time I remember hearing someone talk about getting an allowance my younger sister and I were working at a summer camp. We roomed together. One night we heard a couple of girls in the next room complaining because they only got $50.00 a month (1970s) for allowance. My sister and I just looked at one another, and mouthed $50.00. WOW!

Later in the conversation the girls talked about how they had to buy all their clothes, shoes and things with the allowance.

My parents took care of those things. The three of us girls older girls and cousins were about the same age and size. We shared clothes. And the clothes mom made for us she made sure to make them in different styles because there was a good chance my younger sister would be wearing all three. (My younger sister worried if the clothes she really liked would make it past me. I was a tom boy.)

Some families can't... or decide not to give an allowance... and that's okay. Parents need to discuss their thoughts on giving an allowance without the children around. Whatever the parents agree on goes. There should be no "Well, dad (or mom) doesn't think you should get an allowance."

I think an allowance is a privilege not a requirement. If you are not teaching the child how to handle that money like tithe and savings along with the spending, then why are you giving an allowance in the first place?

My opinion, if you are just giving money without any planned training, you are setting your child up for a harder time when they are older. No one will just hand them money when they are on their own. They are going to have to work for it.


Have a Blessed Day,
Mama D

Hebrews 12:7 (NIRV)
Put up with hard times. God uses them to train you. He is treating you as children. What children are not trained by their parents?

Using a chart for chores

My last Blog was on using index cards for chores. As our family grew we needed a way to keep up with the chores. For a little over a year we had foster daughters. I designed the chart to make sure everyone was treated the same.


 On the chart it had the girls' names along the top of the columns and the chores along the left side. I put the days they were responsible for the job under each child's name. I think it was covered with clear contact paper so I could use a dry erase marker.

Sample Job/ Chore List

I couldn't find the original. After all it's been 20 years. This is a recreation as best I can remember of how the chart looked.

 On Saturday we would give the girls their allowance in one dollar bills. Then we went to the chart. For every unaccomplished chore they had to give us  .50 back (or a portion of their allowance back.)

It wasn't long before they realized they had family responsibilities and we expected them to be done. When everyone did their part there was less to do on Saturday.

Have a Blessed Day,
Mama D

Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV)
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Using Index Cards for chores

When I was a stay at home mom, I handled the house and Kev handled the yard and cars. Even tho I was at home, I remembered having to help around the house when I was growing up. I wanted Arielle to be able to take care of herself if she needed to. I decided to give her some chores. I didn't think it was fair to just have index cards for her so I made them for all of us.



I started using index cards when Arielle was in kindergarten or First Grade.  They sat on the table next to our plates.

One of Kev's cards

I think it's funny that the only cards I could find were Kev's. This card was dirty so I erased the stains. The card read: *Everyone will help cook. *Everyone will help clean after meals until finished. *If you dirty a dish during the day it is your responsibly to see to it, it gets in the dishwasher. *Sweep *Mop

This card was from when Arielle was in the First through Third Grades. I can tell because it has a dishwasher. You may be thinking, that will take too long because they are too little to do that. And they want do it like I want it done.You are right. It does take longer. And do not resweep, remake the bed, etc.  (Talk about hard.) We had one of those little kid brooms for Arielle, and her bed had the covers crooked for awhile but she kept trying to get better without me redoing everything she did.

If you start a routine when they are young, then when they are older it is already part of the routine. Try to tell a teenager you have to help clean the table, make your bed, help with the laundry, you get the idea, if you have always done it for them.

As Arielle got older and our lives got busier we went in and out of being organized. Sometimes the house took a back seat to school, work, church and sports. Then I'd have a meltdown (yes she DID- Kev!!!) and we start again. Don't give up - PRAY, Pray some more, and then get up and try again.

We are not perfect. My daughter wanted me to start blogging because she thought that something I write may help people her age. I do hope this blog helps young families. Don't give up. Today your house may be a mess or you may be overwhelmed with everything. Try making index cards or your version of index cards. When we had foster girls I had a chart on the kitchen door. I will have to tell you about the chart another time.

Don't give up -  Get up and try again. Remember if you do everything when they are growing up you will be exhausted and they will not know how to boil water when they are on their own. (Better to be upset with you now, than when they are on their own.)

Have a Blessed Day,
Mama D

Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Moments not days, weeks or years

After the Visitor card night, Kev took it one step farther for his family. Kev started Father Daughter Day. Every Saturday they let me sleep in and off they went. They would sometimes invite me but it was for them. It was also for me. It gave me some time to rest, sew, crochet, etc by myself.

After I started working full time again we went to having Family Night. By now Kev was a Senior Pastor in King William, VA. Nothing could trump Family night except Weddings, funerals and church wide functions. (Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, etc when I owned the florist)

We now have Date Night. Arielle is married and lives a couple of hours or so away. Date nights had been eating out and going to get groceries before Arielle and Jaron moved to Virginia. And it still is sometimes. You don't have to spend alot of money just plan to do something together.

 It is Kev and I again and the rules are a little different. We will spend Date Night going to see Arielle and Jaron, going out with friends, etc. But now it isn't even written on a calendar. It is what we do and everyone knows it.

I think when something is important to you, you can find a way to fit it in your calendar. Children and family should be one of those things that is important. Years ago I heard or read that we do not remember days, weeks or years, we remember moments. So make the moments special.

My mom and dad would take us on a picnic after church sometimes if dad had been working alot  the previous weeks. There would be times when he was gone when we got up or he wasn't home when we went to bed. It wasn't easy for mom to pack up Sunday Dinner in the trunk of the car and take five kids to a park for a picnic. She would pack the pots from the stove into paper bags (to help keep them warm) and boxes. But those are memories I will have my whole life. And memories that made me want Arielle to have good memories too.

The last few weeks we've had some snow. Arielle has been wanting enough to sled in. Last night it started to snow where she lives. She called us about MIDNIGHT, yes MIDNIGHT. (I had responded  to a text from one of my sisters so she THOUGHT we were awake.)

When we hung up Kev said he doesn't know of anyone that loves snow as much as Arielle. I told him, "Well think about it. When she was growing up we always played in the snow as a family. If we didn't have a hill in our yard, you found one and got us to it. We would have hot chocolate, and go back out."

Arielle and Kev at the Cabin

Make happy memories for your kids! Don't always complain about the snow, the shoveling, the cold, etc. Arielle and I were laughing about a time when we were snowed in for a week. We lived in an old log cabin about a 1/4 mile from the road. After a week of being in the house with her dad who had pneumonia. He couldn't do much playing in the snow. We decided we had to help him get out. We thought we would surprise him. She and I went outside and stood in front of the car. She stood in front of one tire and I stood in front of the other. We started walking and packing down the snow as best we could toward the road. About 1/3 of the way down, God sent us an angel in the form of a friend with a 4 wheel drive. He saw us and came down the drive. Kev heard his vehicle and came out. He asked us if he could help. Kev told him he already had just by coming down our driveway. So he went up and down our drive a few more times and we were out.

We learned a valuable lesson that day. Park at the street and walk to the car. Then all we have to shovel is the space in from to the car.

A convoy in the driveway

Like father like daughter

Have a Blessed Day,

Mama D

Philippians 4:13

I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.

The Visitor's Card

When Arielle was three we moved to the Eastern Shore. Kev had taken a position as Minister of Youth and Education. I tried to find a drafting job.

One man shook my hand after the interview and said, "When we need a woman draftsman, we will call you." At another interview the interviewer came in with his sleeves rolled up, a cigar in his mouth and cussed through the whole interview. He didn't call me back either.

There was a positive to not finding a job. Most everyday I would take Arielle for a walk around the town. We lived in Onancock. Our house was just a couple of roads from the Main Street  and the church. We would start by going to the bakery. We usually couldn't afford to buy anything. Before we moved to Onancock we both worked and I made more than Kev. Not, that that mattered. We are married. The scripture says the two become one. All our money goes into the family account. In Onancock we were learning to live on just one salary.

The ladies that worked at the bakery didn't mind us going to say Hi and look at the baked goods. You could smell the bakery from our house. It was like the pied piper calling. Most days if we were early enough  there would be a table full of men having their morning coffee and talking about the old days. They loved talking to Arielle too.

After we left the bakery we would go by the church and get a hug and kiss from daddy before heading to the wharf. We would walk down Main Street past Main Street Cafe and the Post Office. At the end of the street there was a red brick retaining wall. Arielle loved to walk on it. Then we would go across the street to the wharf.  We would see who could find the first crab. Some days I would make us a sandwich and we would have a picnic.

About a month after we got moved in, the Senior Pastor accepted a position in Georgia. Kev did everything he could to support the church during this time. In addition to his duties, he started going to all the meetings, visiting those that were in the hospital and nursing homes, etc. Being a Minister of Youth is a FULL TIME job. Most people think their pastors should be in the office 8 hours a day.  After all, they have to be in their offices. It is my opinion, it should be more important to people to have a pastor and/ or a youth pastor that are with the people. Youth pastors are at ball games, band performances, track, school plays, etc wherever the students are. Students don't just start out going to hang out at the church with the youth minister. A relationship has to be developed. During the months that the church was without a Senior Pastor, Kev was even busier than normal.

 The church built an awesome gym with class rooms around part of the perimeter, restrooms, offices, and a kitchen. On Wednesday nights, Kev and some other adults from the church would open the gym for the youth early to play basketball or hang out. At a given time Kev would have a devotion/ bible study. If the students stayed for that then they could play basketball or hangout for awhile afterwards. I thought it was pretty awesome.

After mine and Arielle's classes were over we would go to the new building to say goodnight to her daddy. I would walk Arielle over, she would start walking in the gym towards her dad. He would walk towards her while still teaching the youth. When they met he would pick her up kiss her and tell her goodnight. Then he would turn around and start back teaching. Arielle would come back to me and we headed home. We did stay to help with overnighters, special projects but the everyday schedule was we went home.

The day came when the new pastor arrived. One of the things he thought would help the church was to have a night of visitation. He decided Thursday night would be good because it was the night the Youth Minister was free.

I think it was three months, maybe not that long, of Kev not being home at night before Arielle went to bed that I decided something had to give. One Thursday night before he left to go to visitation I slipped a visitor's card into his pocket. (You knew I'd get around to it sooner or later, didn't you.) We kissed him goodnight. I told him a member of the church (which I was) wanted him to take this card to the meeting. He said when he got there, he took the card out of his pocket. The card read, "Danette and Arielle Moen would like a visit from the Minister of Youth and Education."

Kev came home a little while later. Better than that, the deacons brought it up at their next meeting. They decided, if they wanted their pastors to respect the time they had with their families then the church family needed to respect the pastors and their families. It was decided that all meetings would be held on Sunday night and one other night of the week. I'm not saying it didn't take some work. People had to make some hard choices if they were on a lot of committees.

We have to work in this life to pay the bills, eat, have a car and a house.  But we must remember our children are a gift from God. We should not take them for granted. I tell people with small children crying in stores, "Enjoy this time too. Soon they will be married and living 12 1/2 hours away." You laugh, but wait you will see how fast time flies if you have a little one or have family members or friends that have little ones.

My daddy told me once when Arielle was small, "Danette, if I knew my favorite time of life was going to be those days when you kids were young and life was crazy. I would have made myself slow down and enjoy it more."

Have a Blessed Day,
Mama D

Psalms 127:2-3 NLT
 2It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; 3Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE

My husband and I met the summer of '78 before his senior year in college. He was a summer youth director for a church down the road from us. He and his college roommate were staying with a former youth minister of mine for the summer. My sisters and I saw our former youth minister at Burger King and he told us that one of his "tenants," was having a pool party for his youth group and that we were invited. I had to work but one of my sisters decided she would go.

When I got home from work our living room was full of people. There was my sister, our former youth minister and three summer youth directors. Kevin was one of them. We met in June. We started dating the middle of July and he asked me to marry him in August. Not as fast a romance as some we've met, not as long as others but perfect timing for us.

We had talked about getting married in December and having a Christmas wedding. Kev told his dad the plans. His dad said, "That's great! I will be there. Just tell me when." then he added, "Remember, you have one more semester of college left and when you say" I Do" the rest is on you." We decided to wait until May. Kev wanted his dad to come to our wedding but he also wanted him to come to his college graduation. Kev didn't think his dad could get off work twice in one year to fly from California to North Carolina. I suggested we get married the Sunday after his college graduation. Kev liked that idea. His dad flew in for his graduation on May 20th and stayed the week. He went to the wedding on  May 27th and flew out that evening.

While Kev was in college we would call each other and let the phone ring once then hang up.That meant "I love you!" It's funny after 35 years of marriage every time I hear any phone ring just once I think of Kev.

One month after we got married we moved to California. Kev went to Golden Gate Seminary and I went to work in San Francisco. I would call my mom, dad, brother and baby sister one Saturday of the month, my other sisters, Grandma Humphrey, and Grandma Richardson each on another Saturday.  My Grandma Richardson said the same thing each of her Saturdays, she said,"It's great to hear your voice. I know this is costing a lot so I will let you go.  I love you." I would reply, "I love you too, grandma." Then we'd hang up. (Now I can talk to my daughter anytime I want, as long as she answers! :) Everything is relative.)

Kevin and Danette_2014

Jaron and Arielle_2014

I didn't really want a cell phone. My husband wanted me to have one because I'm directionally challenged and at the time I owned a florist. I made a lot of deliveries. I got turned around (lost) several times. There was no GPS as we know it today. I had a disk that had the information on it. Unfortunately it wasn't always right. The day that sealed the fate of me getting a cell phone even though I didn't want one, was a delivery that left me on a dirt road in a corn field. The map showed two roads connecting but they didn't connect.  I could see the headlights from the cars on the other road through a cornfield. Because the florist was an hour from our home Kev was concerned and thought with a cell phone I could at least call the florist if I got lost.

Arielle and I shared the phone. I used it during the day while at work. Arielle used it in the evening when the minutes were free. Unfortunately for her the only place it worked at home was in the middle of the driveway. She would sit in a chair in the middle of the driveway until time for bed. (Of course, homework had to be done first.)

A couple of years later Arielle went to college. She went to North Greenville College in Tigerville, S.C. It was 7 1/2 hours from us. She took our cell phone. (She was more popular than I was.) I got another one.

The first week she was in college she called me at work. She said, "I just saw the funniest bill board." Then she described it to me and we laughed together. Then she said, "That's all. I knew I'd forget if I waited until later." We hung up and I turned to my designer and said, "I LOVE this phone!" (Everything is relative.)

Arielle has lived 12 1/2 hours away from us for about 5 years now. We've kept in touch by cell phone. A month ago she and her husband moved to Virginia. They are about 2 1/2 hours away. Last week we met for dinner. It was a Saturday night. That's amazing in itself because we never go far from home on a Saturday night. Kev always says, "It's Saturday night and Sunday's coming." (Everything is relative)

We each drove half way and met in the middle. Over an hour to go to dinner used to sound nuts!!!! Now (If it's the kids) it's a JOY. Get a couple of hugs, dinner, laughs, another couple of hugs and on the road for over an hour to home. We used to have to plan a week's vacation to see her (them). (EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE!)




Have a BLESSED Day,
Mama D

Ephesians 3:1 ESV
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.

A Smooth Move

WOW!  What a couple of months I've had.

Christmas was awesome! Arielle and Jaron came home from Georgia. We went to Kevin's sister's house for our Moen Christmas. Great fun! Then Christmas Day we headed to North Carolina for our Humphrey Christmas. My family is spread out from Georgia to Virginia so Christmas is the time of year we all (as many of us that can) get together in North Carolina.

Two days after Christmas I went home with Arielle and Jaron. Arielle accepted a position in Clarksville, VA and Jaron also had a couple of job offers before they even left Georgia. I must admit I did pick on him a bit about getting a couple of job offers in a matter of days when his mother-in-law has been putting in applications since last February.

Kev was in charge of our dog and their dog back home in Virginia.

Arielle and Jaron both had to work the first part of the week so I started packing. They had started a little before I got there. We went to the store and bought boxes, cardboard for the temporary storage items and plastic for the items that could be more permanently stored.

We also bought duct tape. Arielle had read on Pinterest that to make moving easier, use different colored duct tape on the boxes.

Colored Duct Tape

Boxes labeled and duct tape

I have always numbered and labeled my moving boxes. Some of the boxes I helped Arielle label on a previous trip to her house, like Christmas boxes. We taped a small craft plastic bag (Ziplock type) to a plastic box and put an index card or half of an index card according to the size of your bag, in the bag with the contents written on it. I don't have a close up view of one of her boxes but a good example would be these boxes from my storage room.

I use different colored index cards. Extension cords are on green, crafts on pink, etc.

I wrote in Arielle's calendar book the number written on the box (mostly paper boxes) or a description of the box like the color of the plastic box's lid and then what was in that box.

Many years ago Kev and I moved for what we thought was going to be a couple of weeks but that turned into 8 months. All our possessions were in a storage space. When we needed something I had a list of the box numbers and what was in the boxes. Had we known how long we were going to be staying with family, I would have suggested we put the boxes in some sorta order in the storage space to make it easier to find. Like putting the winter clothes near the door. I have been making those lists ever since.

List of boxes

Unpacking

Packing the truck

Paper boxes are used for the move with things that will be unpacked soon after the move is done. (I don't like paper boxes in the attic or basement or garage because of potential bugs or mice.) Use small to medium boxes. My husband started this tradition because I fill a box where it sits. I do not worry about it's weight, putting it in a truck or off a truck that is Kev's job (poor thing).

Look at that little ramp supplied on the rental truck in the picture to the left. Believe me small to medium boxes are the best.

Now look at the duct tape on the handles. A person can't say I didn't see the tape.

I made a legend, (from my architectural draftsman days). I also made door hangers for each room. The door hangers were made on 8 1/2 x 11 white card stock . I cut a hole near the middle top. I wrote the name of the room and then put a piece of the colored duct tape below the name of the room along the bottom of the paper. I apologize none of the pictures show the door hangers.
   

Duct Tape Legend

Arielle got everyone together at the new house and explained the system. I stood in the basement to organize the boxes that went there. I didn't want them to have a pile of boxes in the middle of the floor after everyone left. I put Christmas and New Year's boxes under the stairs, Craft items together, sports in another corner and Jaron's tools near the back door so he could have natural light and easy access to bring in whatever he needs for his projects.

The rest of the house went smooth also. One lady told me I should be an organizer for a living. I told her Arielle has told me the same thing but I wouldn't know how to get started. She said let them watch me for 10 minutes. We laughed and went back to work. (If I could only organize Kev)

Arielle, Jaron and Jazzy are all moved in

They are all moved in and it's time for Kev and I to go home.

FIVE days after getting home Kev and I left for California to go to his brother's retirement party. I must say we have a great family from the east coast to the west, and as far up as Washington State, families don't get much better than ours. We are not perfect, we don't get to see each other as much as we would like but we love each other and we love our Lord, Jesus Christ.

 We were there for a few days and then came home.

We have put away most of our Christmas, laundry is done from our trips, and we have finally caught up on some much needed sleep.

A few days after we got home I received a call asking me to come in for an interview, then a second interview, and then a call asking me if I would accept the job.

I accepted a part time receptionist position with the (BGAV) Baptist General Association of Virginia. YES! It is good to be back at work. The facility is called the Virginia Baptist Resource Center because several wonderful organizations have their offices there.

Kev asked me how my first day went. I told him it was fun. He said, "fun", you are suppose to be working.

I plan to work on my tweenager bible study book about the life of Joseph in the morning and work in the office in the afternoon.

2015 is LOOKING GOOD and I am truly BLESSED! PRAISE THE LORD!

Have a Blessed Day,
Mama D

Romans 8:28 ESV
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.